you didn't tell me it was supposed to be party food
I don't know - chips and pretzels?
[ that really awful moment when she almost types out 'lydia is the party planner, not me' but it makes her too sad so she doesn't. ]
or cherry
okay? I've never mixed a drink before either so
yeah
I don't know - chips and pretzels?
[ that really awful moment when she almost types out 'lydia is the party planner, not me' but it makes her too sad so she doesn't. ]
or cherry
okay? I've never mixed a drink before either so
yeah
[ when allison stops, so does stiles, just a step or so in front of her. the phrase--i don't want to go home, it echoes so fiercely in his chest that he has to take it in with her, look at her with a face that's not surprised or sympathetic, but rather empathetic. she puts it into words, in the way that he doesn't feel like he can, the kind of things he feels like he can't say. it's maybe because scott is his best friend--and it's not that scott would ever judge him for being that way, are you kidding? scott would love stiles if he became a fascist, even if he'd probably try to talk him out of it.
but scott was a hero. scott was the kind of person who faced his problems head on, who knew absolutely nothing about what was going home but still spoke energetically about returning, even after stiles had told him in the quiet what had happened to their parents. scott worked with deucalion to try and get their parents back. stiles? stiles tried what he could, but when the message from isaac came that allison's father had been taken he--he panicked, he had a panic attack, and then he ended up here.
his dad could very well be dead. all of them knew, the three of them bound by the single kid in the single parent home, but stiles saw a lot of his younger self in allison, and when that had happened, when she just lost control like that, hurt erica and boyd, he couldn't blame her. he'd retreated so far into himself as a kid that he'd barely gone to school. he didn't have the supernatural to take it out on. just his dad, who was drinking himself to death with her gone, and his best friend. there's more than being human in allison that makes them so similar, and the part of him that wishes he could be sympathetic and kind instead of awkward and stumbling came out the day scott told him about what she was doing.
there's this overwhelming urge to just--open the floodgates, to tell her everything. stiles can't lose his dad just like allison can't lose hers--it's not that scott can't lose his mom, either, but there's a different kind of pain that comes from being in a happy home and having it torn asunder by sickness or suicide. he knows what it feels like to be drowning, because he's right there with her, under the water like matt daehler was, using every single one of his abilities as a human to fight back. if you're going through hell, keep going, morrell had quoted at him, and it was the kind of saying he held close to his chest, when he watched the darach carry his dad away in the dead of the night, when scott nearly committed suicide because he couldn't stand to live anymore, when they were surrounded by fucking zombies and losing members of their group day by day. it doesn't stop him from being afraid. it never will.
he feels like if he goes home and his dad is dead? he might as well be drowned already. ] ...yeah. [ is his less than eloquent answer, as he jams his hands a little further in his pockets and shaking his head, focusing on the ground with her. ] I can't--I just can't. I already lost my mom.
[ it was your fault, you killed her his brain whispers in response. he wants to say it's going to be okay, but that's scott's gig, isn't it? it always has been. stiles the cynic and his best friend the optimist. he wants to hope that he's alive (believe he's alive, still does) but every night when he sleeps it's thinking about the funeral with the folded flag, a grave next to his mothers.
stiles' mouth twitches up a little, in a bitter facsimile of a smile. ] I can't decide if I'd rather have him here or stuck at home. That's screwed up as hell.
but scott was a hero. scott was the kind of person who faced his problems head on, who knew absolutely nothing about what was going home but still spoke energetically about returning, even after stiles had told him in the quiet what had happened to their parents. scott worked with deucalion to try and get their parents back. stiles? stiles tried what he could, but when the message from isaac came that allison's father had been taken he--he panicked, he had a panic attack, and then he ended up here.
his dad could very well be dead. all of them knew, the three of them bound by the single kid in the single parent home, but stiles saw a lot of his younger self in allison, and when that had happened, when she just lost control like that, hurt erica and boyd, he couldn't blame her. he'd retreated so far into himself as a kid that he'd barely gone to school. he didn't have the supernatural to take it out on. just his dad, who was drinking himself to death with her gone, and his best friend. there's more than being human in allison that makes them so similar, and the part of him that wishes he could be sympathetic and kind instead of awkward and stumbling came out the day scott told him about what she was doing.
there's this overwhelming urge to just--open the floodgates, to tell her everything. stiles can't lose his dad just like allison can't lose hers--it's not that scott can't lose his mom, either, but there's a different kind of pain that comes from being in a happy home and having it torn asunder by sickness or suicide. he knows what it feels like to be drowning, because he's right there with her, under the water like matt daehler was, using every single one of his abilities as a human to fight back. if you're going through hell, keep going, morrell had quoted at him, and it was the kind of saying he held close to his chest, when he watched the darach carry his dad away in the dead of the night, when scott nearly committed suicide because he couldn't stand to live anymore, when they were surrounded by fucking zombies and losing members of their group day by day. it doesn't stop him from being afraid. it never will.
he feels like if he goes home and his dad is dead? he might as well be drowned already. ] ...yeah. [ is his less than eloquent answer, as he jams his hands a little further in his pockets and shaking his head, focusing on the ground with her. ] I can't--I just can't. I already lost my mom.
[ it was your fault, you killed her his brain whispers in response. he wants to say it's going to be okay, but that's scott's gig, isn't it? it always has been. stiles the cynic and his best friend the optimist. he wants to hope that he's alive (believe he's alive, still does) but every night when he sleeps it's thinking about the funeral with the folded flag, a grave next to his mothers.
stiles' mouth twitches up a little, in a bitter facsimile of a smile. ] I can't decide if I'd rather have him here or stuck at home. That's screwed up as hell.
you know how steph always spams snow's ic inbox (1/2)
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hypercompetent
2013-12-09 04:28 am (UTC)(link)
what happened to the wolf who fell in a washing machine?
he became a wash-and-wearwolf
:)
:)
i asked the closet for something to cheer me up and it threw a book at me :D
dude i've got so many of these right now
what happened to the werewolf who ate garlic?
dude i've got so many of these right now
what happened to the werewolf who ate garlic?
[ - only because his fingers are shaking too hard to type out a message. ]
Hey, Allison? I'm, um... I'm kind of- [ there's a deep breath and cool it, scott, cool it, their stuff is still here, they have to be here somewhere- and the sound of him running a hand through his hair is clearly audible. ]
- worried. I woke up and Stiles was gone, and Isaac hasn't been responding to any messages. Is he... well, I mean, I feel like I should ask if he's with you, but I feel like I already know the answer.
Can we meet up?
Hey, Allison? I'm, um... I'm kind of- [ there's a deep breath and cool it, scott, cool it, their stuff is still here, they have to be here somewhere- and the sound of him running a hand through his hair is clearly audible. ]
- worried. I woke up and Stiles was gone, and Isaac hasn't been responding to any messages. Is he... well, I mean, I feel like I should ask if he's with you, but I feel like I already know the answer.
Can we meet up?
[ he doesn't need to send out the text for allison to hear the shaking in his voice. it's got her up and off her bed, pulling on shoes, a jacket. at least if she's doing something with her hands, she won't- ]
He's not. [ but scott knows that already, wouldn't be calling her, asking to meet us, if he thought he was. ] I can meet you downstairs? To start looking. Or upstairs if you're here but I'm just-
[ there's a sound of her door opening, or, more specifically, being thrown open as she starts off down the hall.
she doesn't bother with the 'we'll find them' or 'him' or anything of the sort. she just needs to find scott, find him fast, and the rest will follow. ]
Where?
He's not. [ but scott knows that already, wouldn't be calling her, asking to meet us, if he thought he was. ] I can meet you downstairs? To start looking. Or upstairs if you're here but I'm just-
[ there's a sound of her door opening, or, more specifically, being thrown open as she starts off down the hall.
she doesn't bother with the 'we'll find them' or 'him' or anything of the sort. she just needs to find scott, find him fast, and the rest will follow. ]
Where?
I'm pretty sure Scott's already asked, but I--
[ Derek stops, jaw working a little before he continues. Because he and Allison don't really talk, but they've gotten on better terms and now he's struggling to not let his emotions get the better of him because this... Wonderland takes people, and sometimes it doesn't give them back. ]
You haven't seen Stiles and Isaac, have you.
[ Derek stops, jaw working a little before he continues. Because he and Allison don't really talk, but they've gotten on better terms and now he's struggling to not let his emotions get the better of him because this... Wonderland takes people, and sometimes it doesn't give them back. ]
You haven't seen Stiles and Isaac, have you.
[ the fact she's getting a message from derek at all worries her. they might be on better terms, but because of that last event, allison can't help but associate derek and something is wrong.
and then there's the actual content of the message, and allison looks up to find the back of scott's head because he's right here and she has to swallow around the lump in her throat before she can answer. ]
I'm with Scott now. [ and then she needs a second, to hold her jaw closed and let the muscle jump there. what is going on? ] But I haven't, we're looking now.
and then there's the actual content of the message, and allison looks up to find the back of scott's head because he's right here and she has to swallow around the lump in her throat before she can answer. ]
I'm with Scott now. [ and then she needs a second, to hold her jaw closed and let the muscle jump there. what is going on? ] But I haven't, we're looking now.
[ Derek hates this place, hates what it's done to them and what it's probably going to do to them, but at the very least it's given all of them a tighter bond. Even if it's been through the worst of circumstances, they have people they can fall back on.
Allison has, somehow, become one of them. And he can feel a deep empathy with her right now, because even over the phones he can hear it in her voice. ]
I'll head the opposite way. Cover more ground.
Allison has, somehow, become one of them. And he can feel a deep empathy with her right now, because even over the phones he can hear it in her voice. ]
I'll head the opposite way. Cover more ground.
[ it doesn't make her feel any better, how quickly they fall into this. how easily they understand what it means to wake up and have people just gone. it's awful, nothing about it makes sense, but it's become so much a part of their routine that she can't really complain.
a message of have you seen them followed by a i'll meet you downstairs. she's trying to hold it together because she can see what it's doing to scott, can see how he's trying so hard to hold it together, trying so hard to be an alpha, and all he wants to do is fall apart. allison just follows, gives him something else to worry about as well. it's all she can do. ]
Besides the decorations, I haven't noticed anything else off. [ which goes to say: is this some kind of wonderland event? wouldn't more be wrong? she doesn't want to think about what it would mean if they've actually gone home, but she can't help it. can't help the way it grips something cold and dark inside her and tugs. ] If you find anything...
[ let us know goes unsaid. ]
a message of have you seen them followed by a i'll meet you downstairs. she's trying to hold it together because she can see what it's doing to scott, can see how he's trying so hard to hold it together, trying so hard to be an alpha, and all he wants to do is fall apart. allison just follows, gives him something else to worry about as well. it's all she can do. ]
Besides the decorations, I haven't noticed anything else off. [ which goes to say: is this some kind of wonderland event? wouldn't more be wrong? she doesn't want to think about what it would mean if they've actually gone home, but she can't help it. can't help the way it grips something cold and dark inside her and tugs. ] If you find anything...
[ let us know goes unsaid. ]
[ allison has a hard time bringing herself to look up at him. even when she feels him stop, feels him move towards her. she knows he's not expecting anything from her and she's not expecting anything from him, but they're so similar, so alike in that way, that allison's too scared to move.
she wouldn't be able to face herself. why would she be able to face stiles? face anyone?
what right did she have to do any of this? because that's what it comes down to, for her. the new girl still fighting for her place in line, in this town. she has her best friend and she has scott (and now isaac, but does that count if it's just here?) and she has the memory of the deaths of the women in her family. her mother's grave, her aunt's grave, and yet no matter how hard she tries, she's still trying to find her ground. back when she and scott were dating, when she knew his secret and had to meet with him in the middle of the night, out in the woods, he'd called her his anchor. it sounded a little silly at the time, but it made sense. for him, then, she was what pulled him back. held him to his humanity. and allison never realized how much that was necessary, for anyone, for everyone. she figured it was just a werewolf thing, but the more she thinks about that, the more she knows that's crap.
she was floating aimlessly out at sea. no town to hold her there, no family. when the only constants she'd every had were cut in two thirds in a just a few months...
when she takes her next breath, she hopes it doesn't sound like a sob. hopes, prays, that it's all just in her head. that it's the cold and the fact she's just being hypersensitive about it, but she doesn't know.
and then there's stiles. stiles, who matches scott in everything. stiles, who comes up with everything, puts everything together. who lost his mom when he was just a kid, and here she is falling apart over it. and while she wants to hate herself for it, (because she does. she wants to hate it all and everyone, wants to sink a little further into that darkness in her chest because at least that'd be easy) she can't help that little voice in the back of her head that tells her of everyone, anyone, here. stiles would judge you the least. it's the only reason she looks up at him when she does, the only reason she's able to look up at all.
it doesn't make anything better, not really, but it doesn't hurt. ]
I don't have anyone left. [ she's not trying to compete with him, when she says that. not trying to do anything but share with him that part of her. gerard would be the closest kin, since despite his health he is still mentally capable of taking care of her, and the thought makes her sick. so sick, she has that thought again. that thought that she hasn't been able to shake since that moment when derek came back into the room with that look in his eyes.
i'd rather die.
and then stiles is smiling, in that haunted sort of way, and allison's chest tightens in how simple that looks. how easy it would be to match him in it. she doesn't, but she could, and her eyes fall back to the snow. ]
I'd want him here. [ it's selfish, she's being selfish, how could you do that to your father but allison just closes her eyes, holds them closed very tightly, hoping to hold back everything else that follows. ] I mean, I don't, I don't want him to deal with this if he doesn't have to, but- but they come back here. He'd come back.
[ she couldn't save anyone, and that's what it came down to. not jackson, not derek, not scott or isaac or cora or stiles. the one event that was supposed to be her's, a chance to prove that she was worth doing anything at all, and they all-
if she couldn't save them here, couldn't save them when no one had powers. no one was a werewolf, or a darach, and instead everyone was on the same level of skill. if she couldn't save anyone, then, how would she be able to save her dad? ]
she wouldn't be able to face herself. why would she be able to face stiles? face anyone?
what right did she have to do any of this? because that's what it comes down to, for her. the new girl still fighting for her place in line, in this town. she has her best friend and she has scott (and now isaac, but does that count if it's just here?) and she has the memory of the deaths of the women in her family. her mother's grave, her aunt's grave, and yet no matter how hard she tries, she's still trying to find her ground. back when she and scott were dating, when she knew his secret and had to meet with him in the middle of the night, out in the woods, he'd called her his anchor. it sounded a little silly at the time, but it made sense. for him, then, she was what pulled him back. held him to his humanity. and allison never realized how much that was necessary, for anyone, for everyone. she figured it was just a werewolf thing, but the more she thinks about that, the more she knows that's crap.
she was floating aimlessly out at sea. no town to hold her there, no family. when the only constants she'd every had were cut in two thirds in a just a few months...
when she takes her next breath, she hopes it doesn't sound like a sob. hopes, prays, that it's all just in her head. that it's the cold and the fact she's just being hypersensitive about it, but she doesn't know.
and then there's stiles. stiles, who matches scott in everything. stiles, who comes up with everything, puts everything together. who lost his mom when he was just a kid, and here she is falling apart over it. and while she wants to hate herself for it, (because she does. she wants to hate it all and everyone, wants to sink a little further into that darkness in her chest because at least that'd be easy) she can't help that little voice in the back of her head that tells her of everyone, anyone, here. stiles would judge you the least. it's the only reason she looks up at him when she does, the only reason she's able to look up at all.
it doesn't make anything better, not really, but it doesn't hurt. ]
I don't have anyone left. [ she's not trying to compete with him, when she says that. not trying to do anything but share with him that part of her. gerard would be the closest kin, since despite his health he is still mentally capable of taking care of her, and the thought makes her sick. so sick, she has that thought again. that thought that she hasn't been able to shake since that moment when derek came back into the room with that look in his eyes.
i'd rather die.
and then stiles is smiling, in that haunted sort of way, and allison's chest tightens in how simple that looks. how easy it would be to match him in it. she doesn't, but she could, and her eyes fall back to the snow. ]
I'd want him here. [ it's selfish, she's being selfish, how could you do that to your father but allison just closes her eyes, holds them closed very tightly, hoping to hold back everything else that follows. ] I mean, I don't, I don't want him to deal with this if he doesn't have to, but- but they come back here. He'd come back.
[ she couldn't save anyone, and that's what it came down to. not jackson, not derek, not scott or isaac or cora or stiles. the one event that was supposed to be her's, a chance to prove that she was worth doing anything at all, and they all-
if she couldn't save them here, couldn't save them when no one had powers. no one was a werewolf, or a darach, and instead everyone was on the same level of skill. if she couldn't save anyone, then, how would she be able to save her dad? ]
[ They'll find them. They have to find them. If only because losing people in this place, and not knowing whether they're missing or if they've been sent home for a spell, is going to wreck all of them. After everything that's happened, they're too interwoven for these losses, whether they're right in front of their eyes or the mansion sweeps them away.
But he's been experiencing loss for almost a decade now. Maybe it's not easier to keep it together, but he at least knows the motions to go through, how to keep a straight face if only for the people that remain. So he'll try to now, to make it easier for Scott and Allison, to keep them together and not falling apart.
Even if that's easier said than done, right now. ]
I was up when the decorations came through the hall. Nothing else seemed off, though. [ There's an obvious at the time that goes unsaid, but it's obvious. He eyeballs the cracks in the floor for a moment before he answers, but then his voice is a little softer when he does. ]
Yeah. Be careful, Allison. [ They can't lose anyone else. ]
But he's been experiencing loss for almost a decade now. Maybe it's not easier to keep it together, but he at least knows the motions to go through, how to keep a straight face if only for the people that remain. So he'll try to now, to make it easier for Scott and Allison, to keep them together and not falling apart.
Even if that's easier said than done, right now. ]
I was up when the decorations came through the hall. Nothing else seemed off, though. [ There's an obvious at the time that goes unsaid, but it's obvious. He eyeballs the cracks in the floor for a moment before he answers, but then his voice is a little softer when he does. ]
Yeah. Be careful, Allison. [ They can't lose anyone else. ]
[ where derek's a veteran in loss, allison's still finding her footing. still grasping at straws that maybe, maybe soon, it'll get better. has to get better. everything's been going downhill at a very fast rate, and she's just recently been able to figure out which way is up and which is down.
and then there's wonderland, where that could all change in an instant.
but here they can look, because here things can be disguised as something else, something different. it can look one way and mean another and maybe that means they're here somewhere. ]
Maybe it's something else. Something that hasn't happened yet. [ because it needs to be said, because it needs to be out there, needs to be said. when he tells her to be careful, she pauses. lets it sink in a little just how far it is they've come before she nods. ] You too, Derek.
and then there's wonderland, where that could all change in an instant.
but here they can look, because here things can be disguised as something else, something different. it can look one way and mean another and maybe that means they're here somewhere. ]
Maybe it's something else. Something that hasn't happened yet. [ because it needs to be said, because it needs to be out there, needs to be said. when he tells her to be careful, she pauses. lets it sink in a little just how far it is they've come before she nods. ] You too, Derek.
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